feeling sad

The good
• I have the most loyal, kind and loveable husband in the world. I truly look forward to growing old with him and spending our retirement days playing together.
• I love our kiddos so much. They are good sweet kids. Sure they fight and they whine and they drive CJ and I crazy, but in general they are good kids who are pretty well behaved, loving and kind to each other and to other people in general.


The bad
• I drink too much
• I eat too much junk food
• I spend way too much time working / emailing when I am at home and should be spending time with my family
• Our house is always messy and we have a cat that pees all over. I know its time to “send her to kitty heaven” but I just can’t do it.
• We finally get to go to Seattle in 2 weeks and all I can think about is how fat I am now and how everyone will be so shocked to see how much weight I’ve gained. I also feel so guilty because Kenzie talks about going to Seattle all the time but we just can’t afford to talk her… so we will probably have to lie to her cause if she knows we are going there she would be devastated.
• I can’t sleep cause CJ is snoring really loudly beside me but I can’t go to the guest room cause my dad is sleeping there now.

The ugly
• My mother is so severely depressed I am scared she is going to do something to herself
• CJ hurt himself badly today playing softball. I’m afraid he is going to be in a lot of pain tomorrow. I hope the doctor can fix him.
• My mum and my sister are no longer speaking to each other and this time I think their relationship is over… for life
• I feel like CJ and I are always doing the entertaining. There are some “friends” here is Toronto who have come to our house a number of times and never once invited us over to their house. There are others who have invited us only once or twice over the last 3 years. CJ and I have had these people over for dinner, drinks, parties etc at least 30-40 times (no exaggeration). It makes me wonder if we’d have any friends if we didn’t entertain.
• I am feeling really down.