i don't blog: Resolution time

Wow. It’s December 29th and its almost 2009. My little girl is 6 years old now and my little man is 4. I can’t believe how quickly they are growing up. I am getting sad. I sometimes wish I could enjoy them more. I wish I didn’t get so frustrated with them. I wish that I was more patient with them and that I spent more time listening and playing with them and less time tidying the house, checking my email, working, and doing a bunch of other stuff that just isn’t as important. I have to admit, I’m just not interested in playing shutes and ladders, or having tea parties or playing cars or trains, or marble runs. What kind of a mother am I? I keep wondering “when will they just want to hang out with me and chat?” But, I am already noticing that Kenzie doesn’t tell me as much stuff as she used to. I often ask her how her day is and she’ll say “fine”. When I ask what she did I get “I don’t remember”. Time is slipping away and I am letting it. I don’t want to be someone who looks back to when her kids were young and has regrets. I have realized that it’s not about playing silly games or watching the same “trick over and over” … its about showing the kids that I care about them. It’s not good enough for me to tell them that I love them every day, and make sure that they are fed, clothed, have their homework done, get to extra curricular activities and to school etc. I need to SHOW them that I care enough about them to stop whatever else I am doing and spend quality time with them. I do that with my friends, I do that with CJ (although I need to do it more), but I NEED to do it with the kids too.

So, this is my resolution for 2009. I am going to spend more time with the kids. I am going to play the games they want to play. When Kenzie wants to scrap book with me, I am going to say “okay, let’s do it” instead of getting anxious about her using up my 30 best embellishments on ONE page. When the kids want to go sledding (in the friggin 20 below weather), I am going to say “okay!” and I will take them. When they want to help me with dinner or make crafts or play cards – we will do it together. Instead of eating dinner at kitchen island, I am going to try to get us as a family to sit down for dinner at least a few time a week. When the kids want me to watch them sing or dance or do gymnastics I will stop what I’m doing and give them my full attention.

I know I won’t do this all the time, I might not even do it most of the time, but my resolution is to try harder. And I am truly dedicated to that. If I could put as much effort into this resolution as I do at my job, or at losing weight, or at cleaning the house before the guests come over, then that will be an improvement.

I am going to try hard to eliminate the following from my vocabulary:

“later”
“I can’t right now”
“as soon as I’m done this”
“it’s too cold”
“it’s too late”
“you can do that by yourself”
“why don’t you ask your brother/sister”

I am also going to try to make sure CJ and I get to spend at least one evening together (uninterrupted) every month. I think I need to start planning date nights and scheduling the babysitting – cause when we are home we never get a chance to talk. Once the kids are in bed he and I are usually too tired to talk so we either fall asleep or watch a bit of TV. He and the kids are the most important people in my life and I am determined to give them the time, quality attention and love that they deserve.

And because I feel like it, here are a few pictures:

My handsome man all dressed up to go to Christmas Eve at Andrea's