not doing a good job

I'm not doing a good job of setting my priorities. I miss my family. I feel like I'm a guest in their lives. Was at the office again today, worked late 3 nights last week (came home after the kids were asleep) and I have a crazy 3 weeks ahead of me to get this damn project finalized. I wish we had some money so the 4 of us could go on vacation somewhere at the end of this.... somewhere warm. The cold, wet winter is getting to me. You'd think that with all the time and effort CJ and I spend at our jobs that we'd be able to take a family vacation (beside camping in the summer).

I'm not happy with myself. Not happy at all right now. I haven't given CJ the time, love or attention that he deserves. I just put Seb to bed. I was sad when he fell asleep because I missed him. I looked at his sweet little face lying beside me and realized how quickly he's growing. Another couple years before his innocent nature will be gone. I see it with Kenzie already. She is becoming hardened a bit by kids at school. She can be moody and sarcastic and full of attitude.

I just want to get through the next 3 weeks and then take some time off. I want to play "stay at home mom" (at least for a few days). I want to take the kids to school, pick them up for lunch, participate in their school activities. I want to pick them up from school so they don't have to go to the after-school program. I want to have the house clean and tidy and a delicious, nutrious dinner on the table when CJ comes home. I want to sit beside Kenzie and help her with her homework when she isn't exhausted from a 12 hour day. I want to sit with Sebby and give him my full attention when he reads, instead of beinging distracted by a million other things.

I don't want to feel stressed, tired, distracted. I want to feel calm, happy, safe, connected to my family. I want that for my family too. They deserve it.