Being a parent

Isn't being a parent "interesting". I feel like I am learning more about life these days than I ever have in the past.

When Kenzie came into our lives, I learned what unconditional love really meant. If I knew that Sebastian and Mackenzie were completely happy, and I mean COMPLETELY happy, I would be over the moon. I would want for nothing else. Their happiness is the most important thing in the world to me.

BUT... why then, do they (Kenzie especially) test my patience like it's never been tested before.

I think it's because I sometimes long for the days before I knew what unconditional love was. I admit I sometimes long for the days when life was all about ME! The days when I did what I wanted to do when I wanted to do it.

These days I don't have that freedom. These days I have so little "me" time. I have responsibilities. I am tired, wrinkled and "used". I think in some ways, when I am tired or "sensitive", I resent that lack of freedom. I think that subconsiously I may even resent the kids for that lack of freedom...

For example, today I was feeling a bit sorry for myself. I was on the computer and Kenzie wanted me to play... she was pulling at my pant leg and trying to climb on my lap. I snapped "KENZIE, I WANT FIVE MINUTES OF PRIVACY!". She looked at me with a sad look on her face, backed out of the room and closed the door.

Oh my God! Stick a knife in my heart... What did I just say? All she wanted was to be with me and I told her to go away. She didn't choose to come into this world... that was MY DECISION (well, CJ was involved too). I felt like the worst mom in the world.

I was able to make it up to her. I gave her a big hug, told her i loved her and she forgave me. She is so forgiving. No built up resentment. Just sheer forgiveness and happiness that we are together again.

No wonder I have unconditional love for these kids... they are so perfect. So untainted by life. So innocent. So wise. Sometimes i think they should be the parents.

Here are some pictures from today.

Mulletgirl making cookies with her Dad and Ben.


Ben giving Sebastian a hug.


My good friend JL...


Sebastian was soooooo tired. I love when he's so snuggly.