Resolution time

Wow. It’s December 29th and its almost 2009. My little girl is 6 years old now and my little man is 4. I can’t believe how quickly they are growing up. I am getting sad. I sometimes wish I could enjoy them more. I wish I didn’t get so frustrated with them. I wish that I was more patient with them and that I spent more time listening and playing with them and less time tidying the house, checking my email, working, and doing a bunch of other stuff that just isn’t as important. I have to admit, I’m just not interested in playing shutes and ladders, or having tea parties or playing cars or trains, or marble runs. What kind of a mother am I? I keep wondering “when will they just want to hang out with me and chat?” But, I am already noticing that Kenzie doesn’t tell me as much stuff as she used to. I often ask her how her day is and she’ll say “fine”. When I ask what she did I get “I don’t remember”. Time is slipping away and I am letting it. I don’t want to be someone who looks back to when her kids were young and has regrets. I have realized that it’s not about playing silly games or watching the same “trick over and over” … its about showing the kids that I care about them. It’s not good enough for me to tell them that I love them every day, and make sure that they are fed, clothed, have their homework done, get to extra curricular activities and to school etc. I need to SHOW them that I care enough about them to stop whatever else I am doing and spend quality time with them. I do that with my friends, I do that with CJ (although I need to do it more), but I NEED to do it with the kids too.

So, this is my resolution for 2009. I am going to spend more time with the kids. I am going to play the games they want to play. When Kenzie wants to scrap book with me, I am going to say “okay, let’s do it” instead of getting anxious about her using up my 30 best embellishments on ONE page. When the kids want to go sledding (in the friggin 20 below weather), I am going to say “okay!” and I will take them. When they want to help me with dinner or make crafts or play cards – we will do it together. Instead of eating dinner at kitchen island, I am going to try to get us as a family to sit down for dinner at least a few time a week. When the kids want me to watch them sing or dance or do gymnastics I will stop what I’m doing and give them my full attention.

I know I won’t do this all the time, I might not even do it most of the time, but my resolution is to try harder. And I am truly dedicated to that. If I could put as much effort into this resolution as I do at my job, or at losing weight, or at cleaning the house before the guests come over, then that will be an improvement.

I am going to try hard to eliminate the following from my vocabulary:

“later”
“I can’t right now”
“as soon as I’m done this”
“it’s too cold”
“it’s too late”
“you can do that by yourself”
“why don’t you ask your brother/sister”

I am also going to try to make sure CJ and I get to spend at least one evening together (uninterrupted) every month. I think I need to start planning date nights and scheduling the babysitting – cause when we are home we never get a chance to talk. Once the kids are in bed he and I are usually too tired to talk so we either fall asleep or watch a bit of TV. He and the kids are the most important people in my life and I am determined to give them the time, quality attention and love that they deserve.

And because I feel like it, here are a few pictures:

My handsome man all dressed up to go to Christmas Eve at Andrea's


My handsome men (I am very very lucky!!)


Getting ready for our traditional fondue Christmas Eve dinner


Andrea and Jordana


Kenzie with her new slippers


Kenz and Seb opening presents


Andrea, Chris and Jordana


The kids on Christmas morning


CJ with the Christmas turkey


Jordana - so cute


Omi and Sebby


Opa and Jordana

Self-pity party

So I’ve been very bitchy and feeling sorry for myself lately.

I have been sick for about 4 weeks now. I’m convinced I have another sinus infection. It’s just not going away. I wake up several times a night with a very sore throat and feeling just like crap. Every morning I am absolutely exhausted.

Sebastian and CJ have also been sick. And when Sebby is sick he always sleeps badly (waking several times a night) and he wants me to lie with him, so as a result I usually get a crappy night’s sleep.

CJ had his surgery on Monday. So as a result a lot of the parenting and other responsibilities (shopping, getting ready for Christmas, shoveling snow, taking kids to school and picking them up etc) have fallen to me. So I’ve been all grumpy and bitchy about that and as a result I haven’t been very “nurturing” to CJ. The best I can do is encourage him to rest and lie down. But … to be honest I think I’ve been pretty horrible to him. And so then I feel guilty which make me even more bitchy. I really wish I wasn’t like that and every morning I make myself a promise to be more patient and kind, but then something will happen and I’ll snap or be short with CJ again. And I think my bitchiness is rubbing off on him… well that and the fact that he still feels crappy and is in pain is making him short and snappy with the kids, which makes me feel like I have to overcompensate and be extra “soft” with the kids… and I know that drives CJ crazy.

My Dad arrived last Sunday too (the day CJ went into the hospital). Now my dad is very undemanding but he still has little quirks that irritate me, so I sometimes snap at him and then I feel bad about that too. I have also been going to bed as soon as the kids are in bed cause I am so tired, so I feel like I’ve been doing a bad job of being a good host and talking to him.

So, what else…. Oh yeah – work!! I am SWAMPED at work. Without going into a lot of details… I was asked to cover for another project manager who was off for a couple weeks. I was thrown into it (she talked to me for about 10 minutes the day before she left) and there were 3 major deliverables that had to be submitted…. I wasn’t happy with a couple of them but when I asked the president for his input he said he didn’t have time and threw it back at me. So I did my best with having them revised and I asked him if he had any comments. When none came back, I submitted the reports. So last week the clients said that they had some concerns and so of course I feel like shit cause I knew there were issues but I sent them in anyway. Then also last week – when CJ was at the hospital I had 2 big presentations to prepare and present and that just stressed me out completely. Finally I have a major proposal due on January 5th which I haven’t even started yet. So even though our office is closed for the next two weeks I’ll be working the whole time. … and to be honest I don’t think we’re gonna win the job because there is another firm in the area here which has more experience but I already committed to preparing the proposal so now I have to do it.

Then of course is Christmas. I love Christmas. It’s my favourite holiday. I love decorating and baking and listening to music etc, but this year I haven’t been able to enjoy the season at all. That makes me sad.

Oh yeah … and my camera broke. Do you know how sad that makes me? Very very very sad. I feel like I’ve lost an arm or a leg. Oh how dramatic am I???

Woe is me…..

Christmas to do list

Done
Put up Christmas Lights (check) - Thanks CJ
send Christmas Cards (some - check)
Put up and decorate Tree (check)



To DO
send remaining Christmas cards (If anyone reading this knows Sam, Sarah or Karen Bell's address let me know - the emails I sent them were returned)
get CJ's hernia fixed
buy/order presents (Andrea, Chris, Mum (Omi), Dad (Opa), Jordana, Seb and Kenzie, CJ, friends, dog, cats)
wrap presents
buy stockings for pets (requested by kenzie)
put up stockings
bake cookies
clean house
buy food
buy booze
get ready for dad's arrival/visit
bathe dog

Yes, I'm a bit stressed out.

On another note, CJ's mum came to visit this past weekend. We went to my company's kids' christmas party and everyone had fun.



On Sunday we decided to do a family "tree trimming" do my mum and Andrea and her family came over too. Jordana just gets cuter and cuter every time I see her. See for yourself.







I really like this picture of the kids and their grandmothers playing Monopoly!

December

I don’t know if anyone else is aware of this, but it is actually December now. I love December. It is a crazy busy month but it’s full of fun stuff… like white snow and Christmas lights; kids’ birthdays and birthday parties; gingerbread houses and Christmas cookies; Christmas parties; drinks with friends; Open House parties; gift exchanges; cookie exchanges etc. Our month is totally booked up already. This picture is from Sunday… the Woocks stopped by in the afternoon and the kids all made a gingerbread house.


They did a fantastic job.


Tasting the final product – post destruction.




Unfortunately CJ is going in for hernia surgery in less than two weeks. I know he is nervous but I think he will feel better once the surgery is over and he is on the road to recovery. That has got to be better than the waiting and nervousness that he is dealing with now. I am looking forward to that too because I feel so bad for him right now.

We have had snow for a couple weeks now. I am still in the phase right now where I think it looks pretty and it’s not bothering me too much. In fact, my stud-muffin of a husband put our new multi-coloured Christmas lights on the house a couple weeks ago and I think they look exceptionally great with the snow. But I’m sure come March when the snow is still on the ground, and it’s all brown and ugly I will be sick of it. Also, despite the snow it hasn’t been too cold. The temp has been hovering around 0oC. When the temp drops to -20 then I get grumpy. I gotta say though…. CJ cleaned out the garage this year and I have been parking in there instead of in the driveway and it makes a HUGE difference to my disposition in the mornings.

So this past weekend Seb got his hair cut. I am always nervous about taking him for a hair cut cause I like his long curls so much, but then every time I see how handsome and adorable he looks with his new cut I wonder why I was apprehensive in the first place.

This is post haircut picture – and also post-nap so he has a bit of bed-head.


Here’s another pic I took for my mum – she never thinks we eat enough fruit so I had to show her our weekly fruit bowl.


Kenzie came along too and she got a little trim and got her hair curled and sparkles put in. She looked adorable. This was taken with my phone camera so not the best pic, but you get the idea.


She is growing her hair to donate to locks of love. I have noticed that her hair actually grows really fast so she’ll probably be ready within the next year. She told me at the hairdresser place that she wants to get her ears pierced. I think she’d look adorable with pierced ears but I don’t want them to hurt her, so I am on the fence a bit about whether or not to take her.

We have started listening to Christmas music at home and it’s been fun. I LOVE that the kids are the perfect age to enjoy Christmas right now. They sing and dance to the music. They are already excited about my company’s kid’s Christmas party on Saturday and I am excited to take them. And Kenzie will be singing with the junior choir in her school’s Holiday Show/Recital.

Koda the dog is doing okay. She’s a sweet thing and I can’t imagine our lives without her… yet she is a handful and more often then not we come home to find she has gotten into some sort of trouble during the day (e.g. ripping up recycling cartons, chewing the kids’ toys, etc).Luckily the Woock girls have been coming to the house in the afternoon to take Koda out and play with her so she doesn’t go stir-crazy. She is also in the process of going to “doggy school” so hopefully she will improve.

Tonight CJ and I are meeting with the Delcan folks – Brian, Candace and Gus – for a Christmas drink. I am looking forward to seeing them again. On Thursday CJ and I are taking the kids to the local high school to see the students’ performance of Grease, and on Friday CJ’s mum is coming for a pre-Christmas Christmas celebration since she will be out of town over Christmas. We are also planning to put up our Christmas tree (and decorate it) on Sunday. This gives me an excuse to go shopping soon to buy a few more Christmas ornaments. I love that I can add to our collection every year.

Anyhow… that’s a basic update. We still have a lot to do to get ready for Christmas (like buy presents – I haven’t bought a single one yet), but I am typically a last-minute kind of person so I am not too stressed. What doesn’t get done, just won’t get done. I DO want to do Christmas cards this year though, so I need to get going on that ASAP since they have to get out this weekend. I have no one’s address, so that will be the most challenging part. Wish me luck… if anyone besides me reads this, please can you comment and give me your address?! I promise to send you a card and maybe even a picture of the kids :)